My last intimate relationship had 95% of what I am looking for. We love each other dearly, we are truthful with each other, we have fun together and there is a strong attraction but there is something missing. We both know what it is and its nature means it cannot be overcome without drastic change on both sides.

I believe that 100% perfect relationships exist. You see evidence of it around you: couples who have spent a lifetime together who still enjoy making love to each other, doing things together and talking things through truthfully, as much as it may sometimes hurt. I’ve seen it; I know it exists and I know that I can have it.

But surely 95% is enough? Am I being idealist or greedy? (continue reading…)

Life is like a puzzle but without the picture on the box to guide you. Slowly over time you put pieces together to see if they fit. You try different pieces, you turn them around, you look at the colours on their surface and their shape. If they don’t fit together you start the search again. Over time you start to see a picture emerging but often the full picture is not clear until you triumphantly slot the last piece into its place.

Part of my nature is to automatically see the big picture in every situation – it is what comes with choosing a visionary archetype. This quality is revered by today’s society as everyone looks up to the visionaries of each generation, yet there is just as much value in seeing the little things and loving and appreciating them. (continue reading…)

If you’re a user of an internet dating site I’m sure you will be able to relate to my experiences. Everyone who uses these very important platforms of modern relating has stories to tell, some worse than others, but then “worse” is relative: to the person experiencing it, it is the worst! My friends and I often compare experiences over a glass of wine.

Which one shall I start with? There was the guy with only the now common torso pic of tanned and toned body (the thumbnails of those online are littered with these sorts of torsos). I liked his profile (I usually choose not to go for these types of profiles) and sent him a message. Usually I don’t get a response from these sorts of guys for reasons I haven’t quite worked out. He responded and said he would like to chat so we went into the chat room and did that. It was a general chat that was flowing nicely and then he was gone…never to chat again even though he has been online since. No reason. Nothing. Just gone. He is “looking for decent people”….

Then there is the one who was all keen to meet up as he believes in chemistry and timing. We battled to coordinate diaries and so a couple of days went by. I sent him a message saying when I was available and I got no response…ever again. Obviously the timing was off.

And there’s the story of another guy who I exchanged numbers with. We get on like a house on fire via text message. We have arranged to meet for drinks once – he had work so had to cancel – and then the chatting fell quiet. Then I got a message from him asking why I’ve been so quiet. I messaged him back and heard nothing! When I re-initiated the chatting he couldn’t remember who I was! Me – the unforgettable!

Finally there’s the one who messaged me first and spoke of meeting me for days, while we chatted over msn. Then he decided that he wouldn’t meet me because of his fear of being hurt. I was frustrated that here is someone I get on really well with and whom I may never meet. Yet we continue to have the most awesome chats. Mmmmm….

How do I deal with the rejection and some of the behaviour that eludes my understanding?
I see that I end up meeting the ones I really (deep down) want to meet and chatting endlessly to those I want to chat to.
I meet people when the time is right to meet them and that it is often not when I arrange to meet them.
I see that we all have our secrets that lead to the perception of deception.
I want to meet that “perfect person” but, at the same time, am afraid of that perfect person and the vulnerability that is required to love them.
I have to really push myself to always tell the truth to the people I meet…especially when it is to tell them that I do not want to see them again.

Every experience is special in some way and this is what makes it all so much fun. Even when I hear those words…”Let’s just be friends…” because friends are fun too!

Valentine’s Day 2010. How was that day for you? Did you try to ignore it, ignore it with vehement purpose, or indulge in all the schmaltz that is commercial Valentine’s in the modern world?

I had a mix of a day. I had lunch with a guy who is special because of the chilled easiness with which he approaches relating. We had great fun. Then, in the evening, I joined a group of gay single boys (and one couple who managed to sneak in, along with a fantastic girl) for a non-Valentine’s party. We socialised a little and then went to watch Hollywood’s latest version of what I call “American vomit”: the movie “Valentine’s Day”. Interestingly most of my group loved it. It made me sick.

I have often wondered why romantic comedies (American ones in particular) do not appeal to me. Okay, that was polite, repulse me is more accurate. It’s because they symbolise a lot of what I do NOT want in a relationship.

Firstly there’s the “what are we?” aspect. Seeking to define something so special and beautiful does not sit well. (Okay, I also do it but try to keep it in the head where it originates and not let it out into the world. )

Then there’s the “I can’t tell him that because that will hurt him too much” element and all the drama that goes with it. Lying is not an option when I relate because I respect people as the strong resilient beings they are who can take the truth with the love with which I give it. As can I.

And then there is the “our love is for ever and ever” component, which is so misunderstood. Love is forever…but that doesn’t mean that you will remain a devoted couple for the rest of your life. In love, and because of love, it may be best for you to part. Why is that always made out to be the worst thing on the planet?

Surprisingly, after having said all of this, I am a romantic and I know I will relate with many special people along the way. But it will always be me relating and not the me that the world expects. Everyone’s world would be a better place if we all did.

Check out this news clip from my favourite news source. I love The Onion! Satire identifies the truth and puts it out there for everyone to see. People laugh because they relate and see how ridiculous the truth is but few, sadly, do anything about it.

Have fun!

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don’t Love Each Other