There are people who do not use their words. They find it difficult to express matters of the heart and yet I prefer it that way. So often I have been disillusioned and disappointed by guys who have said the most beautiful things. Then there were those with nothing worthwhile to say; they really shouldn’t have said anything. Is it becoming clearer how I despise the limitation and deception of words? One of my favourite songs is Ronan Keating’s “You say it best when you say nothing at all”.

I have always preferred non-verbal communication to the bastardised and crude spoken word. So writing has been a really interesting experience for me because there is nothing more than damn words, but that’s the subject of another blog.

People do not have to tell me they love me. Yet such loving people surround me. Together we face our fears. They choose me to do brave things with for the first time. They wink at me across the table in restaurants. They smile encouragingly when I need the support. So I don’t care that the word “love” may never pass their lips because love shines from their eyes, is written all over their actions and sits in their hearts for all to see. Well, for all those who can look beyond the words and see what lies behind.

Some things throw me to the fire – they challenge me like never before. Then I stand still. I wait for the fire to die. I wait for the challenge to go away and for everything to become easy again. Why do I wait?

I have one of those situations at the moment. I’m in the midst of a fire that is burning hot. It is branding my skin and is raging through my life. I try to deny it. I make it go away … briefly … until I feel the burning again. That burning is the reminder that I have not acknowledged its warmth.

I love people for who they are and what they are capable of being. This can lead to disappointment when they choose not to reach that potential or to be who they truly are. Yet that is beautiful too in that it shows the value of choice and how we all have a side that is powerful, strong and yet…hidden.

I prefer to keep a part of me hidden too. (continue reading…)

If you’re a user of an internet dating site I’m sure you will be able to relate to my experiences. Everyone who uses these very important platforms of modern relating has stories to tell, some worse than others, but then “worse” is relative: to the person experiencing it, it is the worst! My friends and I often compare experiences over a glass of wine.

Which one shall I start with? There was the guy with only the now common torso pic of tanned and toned body (the thumbnails of those online are littered with these sorts of torsos). I liked his profile (I usually choose not to go for these types of profiles) and sent him a message. Usually I don’t get a response from these sorts of guys for reasons I haven’t quite worked out. He responded and said he would like to chat so we went into the chat room and did that. It was a general chat that was flowing nicely and then he was gone…never to chat again even though he has been online since. No reason. Nothing. Just gone. He is “looking for decent people”….

Then there is the one who was all keen to meet up as he believes in chemistry and timing. We battled to coordinate diaries and so a couple of days went by. I sent him a message saying when I was available and I got no response…ever again. Obviously the timing was off.

And there’s the story of another guy who I exchanged numbers with. We get on like a house on fire via text message. We have arranged to meet for drinks once – he had work so had to cancel – and then the chatting fell quiet. Then I got a message from him asking why I’ve been so quiet. I messaged him back and heard nothing! When I re-initiated the chatting he couldn’t remember who I was! Me – the unforgettable!

Finally there’s the one who messaged me first and spoke of meeting me for days, while we chatted over msn. Then he decided that he wouldn’t meet me because of his fear of being hurt. I was frustrated that here is someone I get on really well with and whom I may never meet. Yet we continue to have the most awesome chats. Mmmmm….

How do I deal with the rejection and some of the behaviour that eludes my understanding?
I see that I end up meeting the ones I really (deep down) want to meet and chatting endlessly to those I want to chat to.
I meet people when the time is right to meet them and that it is often not when I arrange to meet them.
I see that we all have our secrets that lead to the perception of deception.
I want to meet that “perfect person” but, at the same time, am afraid of that perfect person and the vulnerability that is required to love them.
I have to really push myself to always tell the truth to the people I meet…especially when it is to tell them that I do not want to see them again.

Every experience is special in some way and this is what makes it all so much fun. Even when I hear those words…”Let’s just be friends…” because friends are fun too!

Valentine’s Day 2010. How was that day for you? Did you try to ignore it, ignore it with vehement purpose, or indulge in all the schmaltz that is commercial Valentine’s in the modern world?

I had a mix of a day. I had lunch with a guy who is special because of the chilled easiness with which he approaches relating. We had great fun. Then, in the evening, I joined a group of gay single boys (and one couple who managed to sneak in, along with a fantastic girl) for a non-Valentine’s party. We socialised a little and then went to watch Hollywood’s latest version of what I call “American vomit”: the movie “Valentine’s Day”. Interestingly most of my group loved it. It made me sick.

I have often wondered why romantic comedies (American ones in particular) do not appeal to me. Okay, that was polite, repulse me is more accurate. It’s because they symbolise a lot of what I do NOT want in a relationship.

Firstly there’s the “what are we?” aspect. Seeking to define something so special and beautiful does not sit well. (Okay, I also do it but try to keep it in the head where it originates and not let it out into the world. )

Then there’s the “I can’t tell him that because that will hurt him too much” element and all the drama that goes with it. Lying is not an option when I relate because I respect people as the strong resilient beings they are who can take the truth with the love with which I give it. As can I.

And then there is the “our love is for ever and ever” component, which is so misunderstood. Love is forever…but that doesn’t mean that you will remain a devoted couple for the rest of your life. In love, and because of love, it may be best for you to part. Why is that always made out to be the worst thing on the planet?

Surprisingly, after having said all of this, I am a romantic and I know I will relate with many special people along the way. But it will always be me relating and not the me that the world expects. Everyone’s world would be a better place if we all did.

Check out this news clip from my favourite news source. I love The Onion! Satire identifies the truth and puts it out there for everyone to see. People laugh because they relate and see how ridiculous the truth is but few, sadly, do anything about it.

Have fun!

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don’t Love Each Other

Just like it has never been seen as endearing to be foolish, love has grown to be disliked too.

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return”, says the artist, Henri Toulouse-Lautrec, in the beautiful film about love, Moulin Rouge. The strange thing is that it is not something that needs to be learnt as we are all borne of unconditional love. It is something within us that needs to be rediscovered.

Love is the true experience of life. It is the one emotion that incorporates all that we are and wish to be. It takes us places we would not have otherwise gone; it makes us do things that we would have not attempted otherwise; it makes us foolish. Like all experiences in life, love has its ups and downs and the greater the ups, often the greater the downs. The key is to enjoy the downs as much as the ups. Often the downs can be characterised by bitterness and hate but there is still nothing but love.

What defines a fool? They have a poor reputation; one given to them by those who do not take risks because they claim they are too clever to make mistakes. A fool is innocent, pure and trusting. They rely on their inner knowing to guide them. Even though their ego may see an abyss ahead of them, they keep going. They stroll off the edge with the faith and knowing that has typified many of the great leaders and warriors of history. Think of the great explorers who set out to prove to people that the world does not end and you cannot sail off the edge. How similar is love? Every experience of love is different yet we choose to see it as the same and this is what makes it the same. This is what results in repeated patterns in love. The patterns provide our ego with comfort but rob our soul of experiencing.

To be a fool in love it is necessary to abandon the mind. Laugh at the mind and its antics as it tries to anticipate what will happen next and how the other will react to your words and actions. Go with what you want to do and say. If you find yourself stopping yourself then you know that the innocence is being disturbed.

I recently experienced unrequited love. This is something that is written about a lot. It is an uncomfortable space but one that needs to be seen for what it is – love with yourself. Hindsight can make you look stupid because your actions were never reciprocated. Yet, the gift you give yourself is to see how you can abandon all rules and norms and be yourself regardless of how it may seem. Have you tried to “dance like no one is watching”? We have all heard the saying but for some of us it is more difficult than it may sound. It requires you to listen to what you hear in the music and to respond how you want to respond, not how you have been taught to respond, which fits in with the rest of the crowd. If you are one of those who criticises others for how they dance you will find this even more difficult. Try it though because when you have mastered this you are starting to get the concept of being foolish in love.

Then take another step and do it again…differently.