I love the stage. I’m on one given any opportunity. I’ve been acting since standard 5 (grade 7). In fact, my friends tell me I’m always on stage but they exaggerate. I’m not that dramatic.

One of the things that draws me to performing is the adrenalin rush. Standing backstage as the opening music begins to play, the audience settles down to silence and the lights dim, my heart races, my pores become damp (I know – it’s beautiful), and I can’t stand still. My words and dance moves are racing through my head as I calm my ego down by telling it that I’ve done it before and I have fun regardless of whether I commit a boo-boo. I have been known to exit stage left when the rest of the company waits for me to start the next introduction. (continue reading…)

Every year I make a big thing of my birthday. I use the opportunity to see all my friends and to throw them all together at a function that is all about me. And I love it! I always have.

Birthdays are also about change. Each birthday heralds the start of my own new year. Numerologists will tell you how the number of the year you are in, which influences your challenges and experiences, clicks over one notch on your birthday. I feel that notch click over and sometimes that feeling is a little uncomfortable. This year is no different. I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff and only have to throw myself off to realise my dreams. So I see my dreams and that makes me excited but there is also a cliff that I have to throw myself off of first. Shit.

So I have decided to take my birthday week off (yes, I always celebrate a birthday week). Well, pretty much. I think the experts would say I’m frozen in fear. Or they would tell me I’m procrastinating but, you see, I am always way to hard on myself so I’ve decided that this is a perfectly good thing to do when there is chaos: sit in the midst of the chaos and be still. Oh, and then throw a party. It has been a very emotional space so, to be honest, working would be difficult given the frequent breakdowns. Okay, I maybe exaggerate a little…but only a little.

I know I will jump. I just want to turn 35 first! Happy birthday to me.

We all do it. We convince ourselves that what we have is fine and so there is no reason to pursue anything else, even though we dream of something else. We keep those dreams locked away in the confines of our imagination and sell ourselves the comforting thought of mediocrity. Mediocrity keeps us safe and allows us the pleasure of not having to strive for anything nor to stand out in the crowd.

How many of you have filled a romantic void with someone who is “sweet and lovable but definitely not for the long term”? Do you relate to going to movies with friends who you didn’t really want to see because the other option was to stay at home alone? Perhaps you play a sport you don’t really enjoy because the team needs you? (continue reading…)

The reward for bravery is not always instant…sometimes you have to sit in it for a while.

I’m trying things differently. I’m saying things that I want to say to others which I wouldn’t have said before. And the effect is not patently different yet. As a result my mind (my unconditionally loving ego) is trying, at every opportunity, to convince me that it is not worth it.

“You see”, I hear it say to me, “he responded badly. You should not have said that!”

And so the cage starts to form around me. An imaginary cage created from my concern, my worry, my angst. Every day that goes by feels like torture. My mind plays it all over to me, again and again.

How often have you heard people say that “the truth will set you free”? Do you really believe them? Do you understand what it means: the truth? The truth is what you keep from yourself, hidden in the shadows you don’t want to look at. Truth is what scares you. Truth is what sets you free. “Yes, yes, you’ve said that already”, I hear you say in unison. I have, but did you hear it?

You also have a cage around you…a cage of fear and lies.

I see my mind racing onto the next level, telling me what to do, what I should have done, what I should have said. It upsets me. Tears well up in my eyes. Why does this happen when all I want is peace? All I want is to be happy. And I am…happy. I think. Oops, there it goes again… analysing… criticising. It never stops. There is a lesson there: it never stops. So there is no benefit in trying to stop it. Sit and watch it. Watch the movie in your mind, realising you are a spectator. Then you will notice just how damaging it is to your truth. That is not its intention; it is an all-loving protective energy that just wants to keep you safe because it loves you so much. Allow it that. Give it that. But never allow it to be your master. The mind as master is a cage like no other that can drive you to the point of distraction.

I sit and I cry. “I should not have said it”, my mind tells me. Yet I know it was right. It is what I want.

No man is an island and so saying what you want and the resultant experience can be quite surprising because you are speaking to people when you say it; you are relating to people on their own journey, living in their own self-created cage, enjoying the safety of their lies and the refuge of their minds. They bring with them their own history and experiences, which their mind has created during its journey of protecting them. Yet their interpretation does not take away from your truth. However, if you are unable to cope with their reaction then you are trying to control the situation and then you are once again in the mind and not your truth. Your truth is so free that it has no expectations. It does not need the other person to say or do anything. It does not even need acknowledgement. It only needs to be voiced.

Be happy, be free, and always speak your truth to yourself and others. It is easier said than done. And the effect is not always instant. I am still waiting to see the effect of my words….

If one day you should find yourself standing on the edge of a cliff asking yourself how you got to this point and why it is that you’re thinking of jumping, what would be your response? “My dreams never entered my reality and so there was nothing to live for”? We all go through stages of frustration and pointlessness. I can see you nodding. But do you understand why, when all around you everything appears the same? That’s exactly it: everything is the same and that is what is frustrating. In order for the reality to be the dream, we need to allow the change. And sometimes all that is required is that we let go of the old reality so that the change can happen.

Look at the world from your own paradigm…change is what happens when no one is looking. Because at that point, no one is holding on to the past out of fear. No one is sufficiently focussed to fear. Fear resides in the head – it is our own mental creation. Distract it and the change will happen such that we arrive at the other side quite bewildered as to how we got there.

And so the generations renew the planet through change. The young don’t like the way of the elderly and the elderly don’t like what the youth get up to. The reason is to effect change. Fears are still transferred from one generation to the next; pointless, irrational fears. Pointless and irrational because they were created and owned by the generation before and so do not belong. Yet we, because of our own fear, choose to hang on to these fears and this is what is called the “collective unconscious”, the great energy grid that connects us all (see the hundredth monkey syndrome). Yet, that collective unconscious serves a positive purpose too as everything in this world is neutral: it mirrors your fears in order for you to see them. We wouldn’t be able to see what we looked like if there was nothing to reflect us and so we would find it very difficult to drop all our illusions if we had nothing to show us what they are. And life can be an illusion, lived in the head with very little truth but then lies are what we will attract.

Be strong and look in the mirror that is your world and you will see what you are holding on to. Drop all that and you will live your dream. If we all do that then the planet will live its dream too.