Change is all about you. “Be the change you want to see in the world” is Mahatma Ghandi’s overused quote. Overused maybe but definitely not to be sneezed at.

Many years ago a relationship I had had all of my life became rocky. I began to suspect her of ulterior motives, of not supporting me, and of having a different attitude to me. My relationship with her deteriorated to such an extent that I did nothing but fight with her. One day I even pulled her aside accusing her of not supporting me in my intimate relationships. She could say nothing right. Times were so rough for me that I was seeing a psychologist at the time and so I sought his counsel on this imploding relationship. He took me on a journey that altered my perception of the person and the situation. As I began to see things differently I noticed that the only aspect of my relationship with her that had changed was how I was seeing her, nothing else. She was the same person I had always known. By changing my perception I changed the relationship back to what it was. “She” is my mom.

So a new campaign that has launched in South Africa has caught my attention. It stands above other initiatives because it is a call for every South African to stand up and lead by example. We’re an interesting bunch in this country where we are quick to drive away from a dinner party over the alcohol limit, yet complain when we are then asked for a bribe by the police officer who pulls us over. Both actions are against the law but we play victim and choose which is acceptable depending on who committed it. Lead SA is encouraging each person to be the leader of their own life and to recognise that changing your attitudes and actions, even as small as smiling and greeting people, changes your world and will then have an impact on the country. Good on you, Primedia, for a campaign that starts with individuals, because each person is the centre of their own world and change starts with them.

Be the change. See its effects. Lead SA.

P.S. I love you mom

We live in a world where everyone is trying to fix something. There is self-help and life coaching to fix people’s broken lives. There is international aid to “fix” the downtrodden. And there are the interventions to “fix” the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

And then there is the view of British scientists that the best thing to do with the oil spill is…nothing. Yes, nothing. Do nothing. According to an article published in the Mail & Guardian (Doing nothing might have been best for BP oil spill), chemical intervention to break up the oil faster does more long-term environmental damage than the oil itself. The drive to mop up is more driven by the politicians’ need to be seen to do something than what is actually best for the environment.

How much of a need is there for us to be seen to be doing something to better ourselves? (continue reading…)

A little while back I wrote a piece on the South African psyche of not having faith in our ourselves that we will get things right (see Greg’s View on Fun). We always look forward and assume that we will mess it up, which the media then laps up and spews out there.

The pendulum has now swung to the other extreme. Now no negative press is tolerated by South Africans regarding the Soccer World Cup. We are now in a panacea of perfection and efficiency, despite actual experience. My experience is an example. I am aware that my comments may be seen by some as “afro-pessimism” or negative but it is a factual account of what happened. I also must point out a feature of my personality where I get frustrated when I see that things designed to achieve something are not being utilised properly.

Here is my experience of the opening game. (continue reading…)

I was chatting to some friends the other day and they were commenting on how proud they are of Adam Lambert because of how he has been himself despite criticism from the public. He has been himself? It’s very telling of how few of us can honestly say that we are being ourselves. How many of us actually know anything about ourselves? We are so quick to follow what people say: we adjust our diets when scientists tell us something is unhealthy; we buy new clothes in order to follow fashions being put forth by “them” over there in some other country; we change jobs when a consultant tells us we are not well-suited to what we’re doing. We’re always quick to follow others but would we know who to follow if we were the only person around? Do you know what food you would eat because it makes you feel good and your body responds well to it? What would you wear if it were entirely up to you; what would make you feel good about yourself? Do you know what job you would do that would make you bounce out of bed every morning? Who would you be? (continue reading…)

I loved visiting one of my friends during my childhood, not only because they always had Tropika in the fridge (yum), but also because his parents were Dutch and liberal. There was a freedom given to you as you entered the house: to be who you wanted to be. Don’t get me wrong; there was discipline and manners but no forced censorship.

Censorship fascinates me and is a bone of contention in many countries. South Africa is no exception. I find it intriguing that Hollywood appears to produce more violent films than those with nudity and sex. Do the exercise yourself: take note of the age restrictions of films that you watch on TV and you will notice this (and remember to look out for the nudity – it is often only a glimpse of a bottom). DSTV has an Action channel and yet there is an uproar about a proposed pornography channel. Why is violence condoned more than sex or nudity when the latter is so natural and something that most of the world’s population indulge in at some point in their life? We would wish that violence would not be necessary in real life and yet this practice is what is put all over our screens. Bizarre? I think so.

Just recently the South African Arts and Culture Minister Lulu Xingwana walked out of an exhibition of women’s art, offended by photographs of naked black women. Xingwana is now looking to debate when art becomes pornography. How can naked people lying together looking lovingly into each other’s eyes be considered pornography unless there is something shameful about nudity?

On Facebook I am a member of a page called “Conscious Parenting” – I recommend it to anyone who deals with children. The page administrators, a lovely Scandinavian couple who epitomise innocence and love, posted pictures of their young boy (I would guess he’s around four or five years old) enjoying the garden on the first warm day of spring. The pictures illustrated the innocence of children and were posted in that innocence. They were beautiful. Most of the fans loved them but then there were those who were disgusted because their son was naked in the pictures. They eventually removed some of the “offensive” pictures.

Nudity and sex are natural and normal. Those who don’t view it as such demonise and condemn and make it shameful. In some European countries it is not unusual for people to swim naked in public, yet there is no evidence of public nudity increasing the level of sexual violence, as opponents often argue. In fact, the situation is quite the opposite.

We are born of sex and naked. This is how we enter the world and then the judgement begins and with the judgement follows shame. This shame, grouped with low esteem, results in sexual obsession and sometimes abuse. It is not the nudity or exposure to sex that is the problem, but the judgement of it.

Let’s think twice before we censor for children because we are perpetuating the problem.