I love the stage. I’m on one given any opportunity. I’ve been acting since standard 5 (grade 7). In fact, my friends tell me I’m always on stage but they exaggerate. I’m not that dramatic.

One of the things that draws me to performing is the adrenalin rush. Standing backstage as the opening music begins to play, the audience settles down to silence and the lights dim, my heart races, my pores become damp (I know – it’s beautiful), and I can’t stand still. My words and dance moves are racing through my head as I calm my ego down by telling it that I’ve done it before and I have fun regardless of whether I commit a boo-boo. I have been known to exit stage left when the rest of the company waits for me to start the next introduction. (continue reading…)

We all do it. We convince ourselves that what we have is fine and so there is no reason to pursue anything else, even though we dream of something else. We keep those dreams locked away in the confines of our imagination and sell ourselves the comforting thought of mediocrity. Mediocrity keeps us safe and allows us the pleasure of not having to strive for anything nor to stand out in the crowd.

How many of you have filled a romantic void with someone who is “sweet and lovable but definitely not for the long term”? Do you relate to going to movies with friends who you didn’t really want to see because the other option was to stay at home alone? Perhaps you play a sport you don’t really enjoy because the team needs you? (continue reading…)

There is a lot of literature out there promoting a journey “back to spirit” and getting “back to soul”. The irony of this journey is that this isn’t a journey at all. Spirit or soul is the very essence of who we are. We are of it and we are it. Soul is right here and just is.

So what is the meaning of life then? Soul has chosen a physical experience. It has created all that is in order to experience it or, more accurately, in order for it to experience itself. Let me explain. In the beginning there had to be something because nothing can be created from nothing, right? I think all belief systems agree there. This something was all that existed so it could not experience itself because it had nothing to experience itself with. So, in order to see its reflection it needed to create a mirror. I believe this still ties in with science, quantum physics and most religion. (continue reading…)

“Let’s just be friends”…the four words that many people dread while dating. They’re used as an easy escape – a way out of a difficult situation where one likes the other more. They’re spoken by cowards who are too afraid to hurt the other. They’re uttered when there is no intention of seeing each other again. This is sad because there’s nothing “just” about being friends.

Dating sites are interesting playgrounds. All types, including the shy and downright socially anxious, can get to mingle with others in total anonymity, often not even revealing what they look like. They can chat, flirt, propose meetings and fantasise (which is often what the proposed meetings are anyway).

Yet there are those who get upset by the playground. I have heard of people who throw malicious comments at others when they are rejected honestly. There is frustration when they have not found “the one” after being on the site for a “more than reasonable length of time”. Then there is that moment when you pluck up the courage to meet someone and they look nothing like their pictures, or the pictures are from the days before they put on 20 kg and 10 years. There is deception everywhere: we deceive ourselves daily otherwise we would not be living in this illusion we call life. And yet we expect everyone to be completely truthful…there are always skeletons in the closet! Sometimes that skeleton is 20 kg.

Playing the single game on dating websites (okay, that’s not entirely correct because some couples play the game too) should be fun. How do you make it fun? By making it completely goalless. The stress is only introduced by expectations, created by you, to meet the one you’ve just written to, to date the one you’ve just winked at, to have sex with the one who just winked back and/or marry the one you just had an awesome chat to. (The “and/or” is intentional because often all these expectations co-exist at one time).

Have you watched two toddlers meeting for the first time? Notice how they relate with no expectations. They giggle, cuddle, smile, kiss and sometimes push and bash in innocence with no expectation of friendship, marriage or sex. Notice how it is so easy for them, devoid of the anxiety of losing the other, upsetting them or never seeing them again. They just have their fun in the moment and then they part. Just like that. Simple.

The whole spectrum of relating is special and if we can play in this space, including the online dating space, like toddlers then we’ll begin to see just how simple it actually is. Have fun, whatever your definition of that is, and you’ll get everything that you desire because all you truly desire, deep down, is happiness and fun.

There are two parts to all of us. We travel through life as both Soul and Ego. Soul is brave, lives in the present, loves unconditionally and is everything and everyone. Soul…well…just is.

Ego loves us dearly and all it wants is for us to be safe. As a result, ego wants us not to change and grow. It wants to keep things as they are because it is known and safe. It wants to control everything to ensure that there are never any surprises.

The soul and the ego are connected by a bridge. The closer the two are to each other the stronger the bridge. If they grow apart the bridge starts to crumble and can eventually fall away completely, resulting in a kind of split personality, where they appear to be different people and one cannot relate to the other, even carrying different memory.

This bridge is fragile and needs to be nurtured. Keep the ego close but see it as the movie it is meant to be. Listen to your gut… listen to soul. It is not possible to live completely in soul and still be in the body so this is not the aim. Keep the bridge strong between the two and you will grow. The bridge is the love you have for you, like the glue holding a healthy relationship together.

The story of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is a good analogy. Dr Jekyll is a likeable and kind man with many friends, but he has a dark side. He takes a potion to bring this dark side, which he calls Mr Hyde, to life. Over time though the potion becomes unnecessary and Mr Hyde takes on a life of his own, being a cruel, bitter and remorseless being. Jung always spoke of not ignoring your shadow and this story represents the dire consequences of not heeding this advice.

So, ensure you give your Mr Hyde his dues. Nurture the ego without becoming it, because you are Dr Jekyll. Always remember who you truly are and not who everyone else wants you to be.

You can see that this is all about how you relate with you. This influences how you relate with others and contributes to what is happening in relationships in the world today. While you lack love for yourself the bridge is long and fragile and you do a lot to be what others want of you. This is how people lose themselves in relationships. Work on you first. Get that bridge shorter. Ensure that ego and soul are happy bed buddies and then you can reach out and relate to others in a way that will be healthy and fun for you.