I was lying on my back in yoga class as the instructor explained that the position I was in is good for the pancreas and how the pancreas secretes insulin. He went on to ask a diabetic in the class about it and he explained his version of how diabetes comes about. He and the diabetic maligned carbs and suggested that they should be cut out of everyone’s diet completely. I was horrified, yet not surprised as I am used to the extreme solutions bandied around by the world of ‘health’ nowadays. Whatever happened to moderation? Why is it so difficult to achieve?

My dad always says, “Anything in moderation is fine”. This has always been his philosophy to food and exercise and is one of the gifts he gave me while growing up. I do nothing in excess: I balance my food group intake, I drink water, I exercise moderately yet consistently and I make sure that when it comes to food and exercise that my only goal is to enjoy it. If I’m no longer enjoying it then it’s time to do something different.

I get teased for this though. I tell people I swim and they ask how many lengths. They laugh when I tell them. I say I run but I’ve never done a marathon. Yet I am asked all the time how I stay fit and how I maintain my body. My response is simple: I have fun! It is not in my personality to count lengths, laps or distance. I do what I’m doing until the fun stops and then I change my routine. This doesn’t mean that I don’t push myself but I do it unconsciously – to the extent that eventually I look back to realise how much further, longer or harder I am going. In fact, taking the prerequisite of fun it would be impossible for me to not move forward because if it gets too much of the same I get bored and need to do something else.

I stand by and watch supposedly ‘healthy’ people often pushing themselves past what their body can handle causing injury, forcing themselves to eat what they don’t like, and replacing the beauty of food with cardboard-textured meal replacements. It all makes me sad. It wasn’t meant to be like this. There is no longer a relationship with the body. Life has become a competition to be stronger, more ripped, hotter, and ‘healthier’ than anyone else. Truth is, the bodies of health, beauty and sports magazines are not necessarily healthy.

I eat what my body craves. I exercise when my body tells me to exercise and I make sure it is fun. I was coaxed into a spinning class once. As my legs cycled round and round my mind starting questioning the fun so I imagined myself cycling in a forest. Not fun. Then I lost myself in the music. Still not fun. Nothing I did or imagined could make it fun so I told my friend this who responded that she doesn’t find it fun either! Nothing will be sustainable and consistent unless it is fun. In the time slot of the spinning class you will now find me in a strength and fitness class, pulling dance moves to the sounds of remixed Madonna. Now that’s my kind of fun. There is never a struggle to get up for it in the morning. I always look forward to it and I enjoy every moment.

Jodene and I have travelled an interesting journey together. She realised that her relationship with food and, more importantly her body, was unhealthy so she started to watch how I did things and emulate it. Not only was it very frustrating for her as it didn’t work but the damage to her esteem had the opposite effect on her body. That is when she realised that moderation only comes naturally to those with a relationship with their body. The damaged body needs to be taught what it likes, what is good for it, and when enough is enough. She is now on an admirable journey that includes healing an injured back, which was the result of pushing herself too hard. (Follow her journey on her blog ‘project me’).

Similarly I watch people around me injuring themselves by overdoing exercise and many claim that it makes them happy. I have to question the happiness in anything that harms you. The answer is in the world of addiction. A smoker will tell you of the pleasure in lighting up. The drug addict has the euphoria of the high and the drive to take themselves even higher. Similarly people drive themselves towards the high of physical extremes; they push themselves to their physical limits and beyond. That ‘high’ is different for each person but driving beyond the pain is what gives the pleasure. Yet, pain is the body’s cry for help. The more you push ‘past’ the pain, the more you drown out your body’s voice until, eventually, there is no more communication and the relationship breaks down. Soon there is little connection and it is like driving a car with no warning lights on the dash. Eventually it will break down with no warning and when it does, it will be catastrophic.

We are replacing the ‘bad’ addictions (like cigarettes and alcohol) with the ‘good’ addiction of ‘health’. Today’s health industry is based on the shame of the world and drives the addiction to physically be what you were never meant to be. And as you fail to achieve what you are told you should look like you become more ashamed of who you are and the estranged body you live in, only driving the shame and addiction further.

Without the relationship with your body you rely on the advice of others to learn what to eat, how to exercise, how much to exercise and, ultimately what you should look like. These professionals have become necessary because of the constant motivation to fit in; to be like everyone else. The Pro-balance bracelets are further proof of this: eventually sportsmen and women didn’t feel like they fitted in unless they had one and yet there was never any scientific evidence that they worked. At least this health industry innovation did no harm other than to the pockets of those who bought them.

Other revelations, particularly related to diet have had horrendous impact on the world. Each of our bodies is unique, which is the reason for the package inserts with medicine. As much as they have run trials on various people, the company has not tested it on you and so they cannot be completely certain of how you will react. Diet is the same. There is no one way to eat. Most professional dieticians know this but the people in the street follow each other’s formula, giving certain foods a bad name.

Re-establishing your relationship with your poor body can be a long process and is all about consciousness. Be aware of how you feel after you eat, when you haven’t eaten for a while, what you experience when you eat a lot of sugar. Use products and professionals to guide you to once again know the meaning of moderation. And remember, this will be your formula. It will be what moderation means to you so don’t tell others to follow the same recipe.

Be good to you and your body – you spend a lifetime together.

Sometimes I wait for the best time to do something and that, sometimes, is a good thing. The rest of the time it is merely an excuse for not doing it now. Facing fears falls into the latter category and right now I can picture the ‘motivator’ being released as I stand before the ‘big balls’ on my own version of ‘Wipeout’. The worst that can happen is that I can bounce a few times, flail helplessly as the forces of gravity pull me downwards and then land in the water. “I can swim”, I tell myself with a wry smile. So take the step before you get pushed. Dammit, I think I’m a little too late!

It has been time to jump for a little while but I think I’ve found good reason not to – like maybe the water will be really cold?

Why do we wait to do what we really want? To get what we really wish for? Why wait? I find it odd that I find myself in this situation when I have always looked at others puzzled by their logic of delaying happiness. I was at a party one night where there happened to be a collection of guys whose boyfriends were overseas on contract in warzones making loads of cash. They didn’t know when they would return and hadn’t seen them in months. They were miserable as a result but consoled themselves with how much money they would have when their boyfriends completed their contracts. I looked and saw it like this: “Your boyfriend is living in a country he doesn’t like; in dangerous and unpleasant circumstances, missing you. You don’t see or hear from him for days and live with the uncertainty of his never returning. But one day you’ll be able to enjoy what you deprive yourself of today, with wealth. How do you know that?”

There is nothing but the present moment and yet we spend those moments planning for the future, which is uncertain. Take the risks today. Do what makes you happy today. Kiss that special person whom you love. Hold that friend whom you treasure. Talk to your kids. Spend the money you’re holding onto ‘just in case’. Do what really makes you happy and not just what pays the bills. Do that one thing that scares the hell out of you.

Don’t wait for the motivator because ‘life has a funny way of helping you out’. Jump onto those ‘big balls’ and let gravity do the rest, otherwise you’ll never know what it feels like.

Listen carefully to Alanis Morissette’s Ironic and sing it to yourself when you are procrastinating….
Alanis Morissette, Ironic, on Youtube

As we stand on the threshold of 2011…

Be prepared for the future but don’t plan. Everything can change in the next second so what’s the point? Don’t set goals, you’ll only be disappointed. Instead, have purpose, even if it is merely to have fun and do only that which makes you happy.

If you always feel the need to do something, do nothing and if you generally do nothing, do something. The change will set in motion more than you can imagine.

When you ask someone for advice, remember that you will get their version. Make it your own before choosing to follow it.

Eat because you enjoy it but never eat anything in excess. Moderation and consistency with food and exercise are the greatest gifts you can give your body. Strive to be happy and healthy and not for the perfect look because the look of beauty and sports magazines is not healthy. (continue reading…)

“Just as the acorn existed within the oak, even when the oak was a seedling; and as the oak existed within the earth, even before there were trees; and as the earth existed within the galaxy, even before there were planets… there has never been a time when you did not exist within me… during which we dreamed all else into being.” – From Notes from the Universe

We cannot live in isolation and most of us would not choose to if we could. We are a part of this world no matter how hard some may try not to be. We are a part of everything that we experience and all that we experience is what we make it to be. We create our daily experiences, even though a lot of what we come in contact with exists with or without us; we create our experience when we make contact with it.

Relating is exactly like this. The beauty of perception can be seen in your encounters with others. Your experience is influenced by your past, your outlook on life in that instant, and your previous encounters with the person you are relating with. Put simply, we create the way we experience others, so one could deduce that we then experience ourselves in others. In psychology it is referred to as “the mirror” and Jodene and I like to see it as “you are always with your equal”, whether it is friends or a lover.

When you meet someone you sense a connection; there is something that either draws them to you or not. That all depends on what truth about yourself you are ready to see. As that changes so should the company you keep. Relationships are fluid like the world we live in. There may be pain when parting but suffering is a choice. Choose to let them go and wish them well on the path they are on.

I am not proud of the reasons why I choose to hold on to some of the people in my life. I can see that some of it is the result of fear. Well, to be honest, we all only hold on because of fear. I am afraid that I will not be able to re-create the experiences I had with those friends when those experiences were my creation…so surely I can create even bigger and better ones with anyone I choose? Others are afraid that their relationship has lasted so many years and should not be thrown away, when time does not make a friendship. Some people you meet you immediately feel you’ve known forever, while others you may never truly feel you know, despite how long you have had contact.

I speak a lot of ending relationships when there are other options to choose from. All that is really necessary is for you to change your perception of the other person in order to change your relationship with them. Either this will put you back into integrity with yourself (telling yourself the truth about what you see about yourself in the relationship), or you will naturally and easily drift apart.

Should you choose to continue in a relationship despite the changes in yourself that have rendered your partner incompatible, frustration will set in. You will become more and more irritated by your partner and everything they do or do not do. Have you noticed how in a relationship you put up with a lot of things that, once you have decided to leave, become an issue? You look back and wonder how you managed? You now see no reason to put up with those things anymore. However, my point is that this frustration with your partner is more about you. It shows how much you are out of integrity with yourself. As you establish your value for yourself you may discover that your partner does not give to you what you want. This is frustrating for you and the temptation is to blame them or to try changing them to fit this description. Jealousy then results as you perceive them giving to others what you feel you should be getting.

I choose to still have certain friends around, despite my frustration, because I see a beautiful connection. That connection is merely my choosing to continue to learn from my experience with them. It is a beautiful bond but it is not the romantic bond of fairytales.

One thing is for certain; all our relationships are allowing us to experience ourselves. It’s all about you…always…as much as you are tempted to blame others.

“That’s a hell of a story” were his words to me as I finished relating my journey of sexual discovery to him. “Is it?” I thought.

Despite having sung together for weeks, we had never really connected and then we had another singer join us and that brought us together. Nicholas and I began to discover things about each other that one would have thought we should have known by now. Take for instance the fact that he lives up the road from me. The pianist has been giving him a lift when I have almost been driving past his house every time I’ve headed to rehearsal!

How often do we engage with people and yet know nothing about them? Nic and I went for beers after the last rehearsal, spontaneously – the way I like it. I began to realise how much we have in common and how, given the opportunity, we all have a story to tell. We all have “a hell of a story” to tell, in fact. (continue reading…)